What It Feels Like to Never Quite Fit In: Therapy for Outsiders and Misfits
You've spent your whole life trying to fit into boxes that were never built for you.
Maybe you're the only queer person in your family. Maybe you're navigating Jewish identity in a world that feels increasingly unsafe. Maybe you're caught between your family's culture and the life you're actually living. Or maybe you just never fit in — and you've spent years trying to figure out why.
Here's what I know: the exhaustion of performing, code-switching, and holding it all together while everyone else seems to move through the world effortlessly? That's not a flaw. That's what happens when you've been an outsider your whole life.
And therapy for outsiders isn't about learning how to fit in better. It's about learning to stop performing and start living as who you actually are.
What It Means to Be an "Outsider"
Being an outsider isn't about checking demographic boxes. It's about the emotional experience of never quite belonging — no matter how hard you tried.
Maybe that looks like:
You're LGBTQ+ in a family that doesn't get it (or worse, actively rejects it). You've learned to code-switch so thoroughly you sometimes forget who you are underneath all the performing.
You're navigating Jewish identity in a politically charged world. You feel isolated, grieving, angry at people who used to be allies, and exhausted from explaining yourself.
You're the child of immigrants, caught between two worlds — your family's culture and the life you're building here. You love where you came from, but you can't live the life they expected for you.
Your family just… doesn't get you. And maybe never will. You've been the peacekeeper, the one who holds it together, the one everyone leans on. And you're done putting everyone else first.
You've tried therapy before, but your therapist nodded politely while you explained things you shouldn't have to explain. They meant well, but they didn't get it.
The common thread? You've spent your whole life performing. And you're exhausted.
Why Traditional Therapy Doesn't Always Work for Outsiders
Here's the thing about traditional therapy: it's built for people who more or less fit into the world they were born into.
But if you're an outsider? A lot of generic therapy advice falls flat.
"Just set boundaries with your family" sounds great in theory. But what if your family's entire culture is built on enmeshment? What if setting a boundary means being ostracized?
"Be your authentic self" — okay, but what if being your authentic self got you rejected by the people who were supposed to love you unconditionally?
And the worst part? A lot of therapists expect you to educate them. They want you to explain what it's like to be queer, or Jewish, or caught between two cultures. They're "LGBTQ friendly" or "open to all religions" — which just means they won't kick you out, not that they actually understand.
When you're already exhausted from performing in the rest of your life, the last thing you need is to perform in therapy too.
What Outsider-Affirming Therapy Looks Like
Therapy for outsiders is different.
It means you don't have to explain yourself. You don't have to educate me about what it's like to navigate LGBTQ+ identity, or Jewish identity, or immigrant identity, or religious trauma. I already get it. You can just show up and do the work.
It means we focus on YOUR values, not fitting into someone else's expectations. We're not trying to make you more palatable to your family or more "normal" to the outside world. We're trying to help you figure out who you actually are when you're not performing.
It means you're allowed to grieve. You're allowed to be angry that other people got the "normal" family, the easy acceptance, the world that was built for them. You're allowed to grieve what you didn't get — even while you're building something new.
And it means we're building a sturdier sense of self. Not a perfect one. Not one that makes everyone else happy. Just one that feels true. One that doesn't collapse every time someone questions you or rejects you or doesn't understand.
We slow things down. We notice patterns with compassion. We make space for the parts of you that haven't had room to breathe.
The goal isn't to make you feel better for a week. It's to help you stop performing for people who were never going to get it anyway — and start living as who you actually are.
How to Know If You Need Therapy (Spoiler: You Don't Need to Be "Broken")
You don't need a diagnosis to go to therapy. You don't need to be in crisis. You don't need to call it trauma for it to matter.
Therapy might be a good fit if:
You're exhausted from performing. You've spent your whole life code-switching, masking, pretending. And you're done.
Your family doesn't get you — and maybe never will. You love them, but you can't keep pretending to be someone you're not.
You're navigating your identity (sexual, spiritual, cultural) and you need someone who actually understands what that's like — not just tolerates it.
You're caught between two worlds — your family's culture and the life you're actually living. And you don't know how to honor both.
You're tired of therapists who don't get it. You've tried therapy before, but you spent half the session educating your therapist instead of doing your own work.
You've been the caregiver, the peacekeeper, the one who holds it together — and you're done putting everyone else first.
You're ready to stop performing and start living as who you actually are.
If any of that sounds familiar, you're not alone. And you don't have to figure it out by yourself.
You Don't Have to Carry It All Alone
I'm Carly Stanton, a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) and Board-Certified Music Therapist (MT-BC). I work with outsiders, misfits, and people rebuilding — whether you're navigating LGBTQ+ identity, processing family wounds, exploring Jewish identity, or just trying to figure out who you actually are outside everyone else's expectations.
I offer virtual therapy for adults in Florida. My approach is grounded, insight-oriented, and relational.
You don't need to have it all figured out before we start. You just need to be willing to show up as you are.
Ready to get started? Book a free 15-minute consultation here. Let's talk.
